Stuck in the Acquaintance Phase

May 26, 2012 Discussion 39

Wanted: Some book blogger friends
 Hi. My name is Michelle. I’m a 24 year old law student and book blogger. Would you like to be my friend? because I want to be your friend! ๐Ÿ™‚
————————–
Ok, so it’s confession time. I have joined a few different online communities over the past 12 years or so before I found the book blogger community. Some game communities (pogo.com), some bookish sites, (fanfiction.com, fandom forums) various yahoo groups, a harry potter message board. And I have loved them all. But one thing I noticed is that there are always these awesome tight knit groups of people that chat every day and have all these inside jokes and they actually get to know each other on a personal level.
 I want that.
In each of these communities I have tried to find that. In the forums, I always go to the introduction site and talk to other people and introduce myself. I go onto discussions and talk with everyone. And it’s not like anyone is ever mean to me. Everyone is polite and kind, but it never really goes past the initial stage. They are always one or two chats and then it kind of falls apart.
I am constantly stuck in the acquaintance phase.
When I found the book blogging community I instantly fell in love. I observed for a few months to get the lay of the land. I left comments, I read reviews and memes and I decided what I liked in blogs and what wasn’t for me. Then I finally decided to take the plunge and make my own blog. 
Once I got my blog up and running, I was so excited and I wanted some people to be excited with. I wanted people to gush about books with and to talk about blog and bookish things. Not all of my friends in real life share my love of YA books, or books in general, and it would be so nice to have some bookish friends.
Whenever I got a comment on my blog, I immediately went and commented, followed and stalked said blogger/person. I followed up with them, I tried to strike up conversation to let them know just how much I appreciated them coming to my blog. I also commented on other blogs, I tweeted like crazy and again I met some of the nicest people! But it never seemed to go past that first email or first few twitter conversations. And then I see these really tight groups of blogger friends that tweet, host blog events together, have deep convos, and while I am so happy for them- it makes me sad sometimes.
I can’t help but think that sometimes it is me. Do I not seem friendly enough? Not approachable? Why don’t they want to be friends with me? 
I know that other bloggers are super busy and I know that I’m busy. When I want to tweet with someone, it might not be the best time for them and I have certainly had people tweet me when I’m busy and I’m just not able to respond. I totally get it.
But I love blogging so much and I love every single one of my followers and I respect everyone that has a busy life and still makes time to run and maintain such great blogs. I just want to make some deeper connections with people in the community.
So I’m asking you guys for advice. What do you think I should do?
And if you are in the same boat as me, or are just looking for someone to talk to- I would love to get to know you! Tweet me or email me. I love meeting new people and I would love to get to know some of my followers and/or fellow book bloggers better!

———————–
Update: About 15 minutes after I wrote and scheduled this post I got some of the nicest comments from Evie from Bookish (You have probably been following, and loving, her blog for a while- but in case you aren’t, you NEED to go check her out. She is awesome and her reviews are so thoughtful and detailed.) She even said that she wanted to catch up with me, and it made me realize that everyone is so busy.

We all have full lives outside of our blog and sometimes it is hard to balance both of them. 

I am making a vow now to try and be more present online and really try to cultivate some more of my blogger friendships. Because there are so many amazing people out there that I want to get to know. and I want you all to hold me to my vow! Call me out if im slacking ๐Ÿ™‚ 




Also, thank you for sticking with me through this long post. and If you didn’t and you started skimming- I don’t blame you at all. It was pretty long lol


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Michelle @ Book Briefs

39 Responses to “Stuck in the Acquaintance Phase”

  1. kimba88

    I network everyday and have slowly made friends, I would love to chat more with you! I am on twitter, and facebook all the time! I don’t think you have done anything wrong, I think your life is busy with school and work, and so i don’t run across you as much!

  2. Hwa Sun Kang

    I have so been there, and not just online.
    I don’t think that you’ve done anything wrong. It’s probably just that others already have blogging buddies, so they tend to stick to their old friends and don’t think too much about making new friends.

  3. Hafsah - IceyBooks

    Michelle, I’m with you on this. I know very few people ‘well’ online, but I’m mostly alone in blogging. I doubt you’ve done any wrong, because I usually feel the same way. BUT, we can be friends, if you’re up for it <3

  4. ashelynn hetland

    Hi Michelle! I have never been to your blog before, actually came here because of Hafsah’s Triberr tweet of your post, but I like making friends. I’m currently in the process of changing my major to paralegal and international studies, so we have two things in common: law and the love of books! I’m now following you on Twitter (athetland) and your blog. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Ning

    Hi Michelle! I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes with people’s different schedules it’s just hard to chat and meet online all the time. But we can totally chat and be friends. Personally I’m really good with emailing back and forth ^.^

    Ning @ Reading by Kindle Fire

  6. Erin

    Hi there,
    So nice to meet you! Loved you email / blog. I think we have all been there at some point in time. I feel that way a lot, even with all the “friends” I have. I am a bit older than you, but would love to chat more and become friends. I love all types of books, let me rephrase – I am a book addict. Thought a lot about blogging too but didn’t want to disappoint myself, with no followers etc….
    Look forward to talking soon
    Erin
    Loveeria@gmail.com

  7. Erin

    Hi there,
    So nice to meet you! Loved you email / blog. I think we have all been there at some point in time. I feel that way a lot, even with all the “friends” I have. I am a bit older than you, but would love to chat more and become friends. I love all types of books, let me rephrase – I am a book addict. Thought a lot about blogging too but didn’t want to disappoint myself, with no followers etc….
    Look forward to talking soon
    Erin
    Loveeria@gmail.com

  8. Erin

    Hi there,
    So nice to meet you! Loved you email / blog. I think we have all been there at some point in time. I feel that way a lot, even with all the “friends” I have. I am a bit older than you, but would love to chat more and become friends. I love all types of books, let me rephrase – I am a book addict. Thought a lot about blogging too but didn’t want to disappoint myself, with no followers etc….
    Look forward to talking soon
    Erin
    Loveeria@gmail.com

  9. Erin

    Hi there,
    So nice to meet you! Loved you email / blog. I think we have all been there at some point in time. I feel that way a lot, even with all the “friends” I have. I am a bit older than you, but would love to chat more and become friends. I love all types of books, let me rephrase – I am a book addict. Thought a lot about blogging too but didn’t want to disappoint myself, with no followers etc….
    Look forward to talking soon
    Erin
    Loveeria@gmail.com

  10. Erin

    Hi there,
    So nice to meet you! Loved you email / blog. I think we have all been there at some point in time. I feel that way a lot, even with all the “friends” I have. I am a bit older than you, but would love to chat more and become friends. I love all types of books, let me rephrase – I am a book addict. Thought a lot about blogging too but didn’t want to disappoint myself, with no followers etc….
    Look forward to talking soon
    Erin
    Loveeria@gmail.com

  11. Erin

    Hi there,
    So nice to meet you! Loved you email / blog. I think we have all been there at some point in time. I feel that way a lot, even with all the “friends” I have. I am a bit older than you, but would love to chat more and become friends. I love all types of books, let me rephrase – I am a book addict. Thought a lot about blogging too but didn’t want to disappoint myself, with no followers etc….
    Look forward to talking soon
    Erin
    Loveeria@gmail.com

  12. Carrie at In the Hammock Blog

    Awesome post! I agree that it’s pretty hard to make friends sometimes, but I think you are going about it the right way! Keep trying to leave comments and tweet people and it will all come back to you naturally!!

  13. Jamie

    You know…after almost 2 years of blogging I STILL feel like this sometimes. I totally know that I DO have a close of blogger friends that I tweet/text every day and have met IRL but sometimes when I’m on Twitter I am all “Aww I want to be friends with them toooo” lol

    You can tweet me anytime! <3 I’m always looking for new friends!

  14. Kissed by Ink

    Hi Michelle!
    I feel the same way as you do, but slowly am meeting some really nice bloggers. You can add me to your Twitter friends:) I’d love to get to know you too.

  15. Lilian

    LET’S DO THIS.

    I just think the book blogging community needs some sort of chatting platform a bit less messy than Twitter like a forum, or a chat room or something…

    I think it might also be because I dislike Twitter for their 140characters business. I guess I am just too talkative for 140characters. I usually get to know people with instant messaging…but that sounds so last decade.

    Lilian @ A Novel Toybox

  16. margie c {the bumble girl}

    Oh girl, I am in the same boat as you! but things seem to be moving along a bit. I really think that every one is just so busy and it takes time. Unless you’re like me, I always think that I might be bothering people, so something always has to motivate me to chat, lol!
    Twitter really seems like the place to make it happen ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ve been following for a while, don’t ever hesitate to say hi!

  17. Jessica S.

    I know how you feel! I’ve been part of different forums and groups and haven’t completely felt like I was part of it though I tried. Book blogging has opened up a lot for me, but it can be so hard to keep up with. I can only be online so much in a day, you know? But I still feel guilty when I’m not on more or trying harder to make friends.

    I love to chit chat with fellow book lovers and get to know them. I’m going to tweet you! And add you as a friend on Goodreads. We have 70% similar taste in books! That’s pretty awesome. ^_^

  18. Lili

    I’m in the same boat as you! I’d love it if you sent me an email: reflectionsbylili@gmail.com. I’m rather new to this community, so I’m finding it hard to find people to interact with and talk to.

    Funny thing, I recently interviewed a former law student/lawyer who entered the editing industry for legal magazines because she preferred reading and writing over her original law practices. Just from viewing your blog, she sort of reminds me of you because of your love of young adult literature!

    I’m a pogoholic, too! If you shoot me an e-mail, I’ll tell you my username. I’d totally challenge you to some awesome games. Always looking for people to play against on there that aren’t rude! lol

  19. @HarleyBearBooks

    Goodreads groups are a great way to make friends. I’ve done some buddy reading where you and a few people pick a book to read at the same time and discuss. I also love watching tv on twitter. I noticed a few other bloggers were watching so you think you can dance so I started chatting with them and it may turn into a weekly event lol. My twitter is @HarleyBearBooks and I’m always looking for more people to gush about books with. I wouldn’t take it too personally if people don’t answer back sometimes. Like you said people are really busy. I’m off to go check out the rest of your blog. I love the header btw!

  20. lisseth

    Hi Michelle!
    I’m Lisseth, and I have been following you for a while and I def agree that bloggers should be a bit more closer, united. I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong at all and would be happy to talk or tweet with you! =)

    Lisseth over at Read-A-holicz.blogspot.com
    email at any time! I never go to sleep.
    lizzy9rule@gmail.com

  21. The Literary Darling

    Girl I love how u just put yourself out there like that! I want to be friends too!! I think we all feel like this on different levels. I know I’m totally jealous of the friendships I see in the blogging community! The friendships that I see though are between bloggers that have been around for awhile. It just takes time I guess! But please find me on twitter! @literarydarling and stop by my blog sometime The Literary Darling.com

  22. Jaime Lester

    Hi there! I would love to be your buddy. My name is Jaime by the way. I am incredibly shy, so it is hard for me to initiate conversation. I just recently started working on a book blog of my own, and I am trying to get it up and running, but until then I am friendless in the blogger world. It is awesome that you put yourself out there and just asked. Impressive!! My email is jeepgirl529@yahoo.com and Twitter is @JaimeLLester. Email or tweet me anytime!

  23. Michelle Chew

    Hi Michelle! Nice to meet you! And… I’m Michelle too! ๐Ÿ˜€ You have the right attitude in making new friends and this post shows it. Look at how many comments you have received! Don’t doubt yourself. Just continue and more friends will come. Count me in will you? ๐Ÿ˜‰ Tweet me anytime @mikiao.

    Michelle

  24. Anna Dase

    I am an old follower. And I know how you feel I have done the same things you have and I am still in the same phase. I have a love for books that has been with me my whole life or at least as long as I can remember. I have meet one other blogger that I have actually became friends with and we have exchanged numbers to converse outside of just blogging, but other then Nikki I still feel like the outsider looking in. So I would love to be friends with you. Anna @ Read Between The Lines

  25. Jen D. (Not Now...I'm Reading!)

    It’s definitely not you. The times we’ve interacted you’ve been super nice. You’ve never seemed unapproachable or unfriendly. Sometimes I feel awkward reaching out to get to know new people. It happens to me in real life to but, once I’ve gotten over myself everything turns out just fine. A lot of the people I chat with on the regular are people that I’ve had a chance to meet face to face so it’s helped form a bond. Obviously that doesn’t apply to all of them b/c some of them are across the country. Those times I get on myself to be consistent about reaching out and asking what’s up. Us Florida peeps have to stick together. I’d love to get to know you better so you can expect an e-mail from me soon. I’d hate to miss a hangout opportunity because I was too shy to reach out. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  26. Kristilyn (Reading in Winter)

    I love this post! I’m like you — I’ve tried many different communities online but just never found the right group of people. Mainly I used to post in music forums since I’m a musician, but that was just a little too diverse of a community. I really love the book blogging community! I just took 5 weeks off of writing anything new for the blog, or from reading anything — and a handful of people were right there when I came back and posted today. It was great.

    I’m definitely around if you want to chat! I see you have a dog in your picture on your sidebar — are you a dog lover? I have 3 and love them to bits!

    I tweet with @ReadingInWinter, or you can email me at readinginwinter(AT)gmail(DOT)com.

    Hope to talk to you! ๐Ÿ™‚

  27. Kara_Malinczak

    Michelle, I would love to be your friend!! I know how you feel, and up until recently I was in the same boat as you. I’ve grown close with a great group of girls and you will too.I think it just takes time and you really DO have to put yourself out there. It’s hard because that is totally not who I am as a person. I’m socially awkward and I don’t really like people that much. I am always looking for new friends though, and if you are interested, Giselle @giselleco on Twitter, and I are hosting a chat party on Friday, June 1st at 9 p.m. EST. There are a lot of bloggers that are supposed to be there and a few authors too. We would love to have you. If you are interested, keep an eye on my twitter feed @Kara_Malinczak because I will be posting the link to the chat room several times starting at 8 P.M We are doing it on TinyChat. Giselle will be posting the link as well. This invitation is open for anyone that has commented here. We will pretty much be welcoming to anyone unless you behave like a perv or a creeper. Then I hit the ban button. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hope to see you there! Bring a drink with you if you come. Although you don’t have to.

  28. Uniquely Moi Books

    I feel EXACTLY like this. Sadly, I guess it’s kind of comforting to know that I’m not the only one. I have repeatedly started convo’s with the same people and they’ll answer back, but over a period of time, it’s me who always has to initiate it. Therefor, I have moved onto different people, trying to find those connections and still haven’t really found but one. I can’t always jump on and chat it up, many things prevent that, but when I do, I would love to have a message waiting for me from a friend. It’s just so comforting. Just to get an @ on Twitter from someone saying something along the lines of *waves* hi or have a great day. That has so much power in it. I also notice all of the group events that bloggers have organized, and wish I had someone to include me. I’ve just chalked it up to not being active enough on twitter I guess. I don’t know how else to explain it. I’m here, ANYTIME! And would love to be friends!

  29. BookSmartie

    Hey! What a great post! Honestly, I think it takes a serious amount of courage to put yourself out there but I’m so glad that you did, because I feel exactly the same way!I actually started my blog only to find people who like books as much as I do, so if you have time – email me! I’d love to chat away ๐Ÿ™‚

  30. Joanne Clancy

    Hi Michelle,

    Thank you for your blog post and your honesty. It was very refreshing to read. I often wondered how some people seem to have so many online friends too and it’s good to know that I’m not alone ๐Ÿ™‚

    Joanne

  31. Jasmine Rose

    This is totally me. I was so hoping to make really close friends through blogging when I started and though I have made a few friends I haven’t made any SUPER CLOSE share everything with friends. I’m still hoping, though.

  32. Rachel at thejeepdiva

    I totally get this too. I don’t have my own blog but I do review on one. Where I am from nobody really looks at blogs or follows them when I try to explain they just say it is to much work but I enjoy it. I love books and I reading and following the book blog community. It is nice to have people who understand what you enjoy and experience even if we never meet face to face. I would also love to be friends with you. Like you and others said we do have other things to do like school and jobs but it is nice to have friends that you can email or FB also. Also I hadn’t yet found Evie from Bookish but am now following her blog as well.

    pefrw at yahoo dot com

  33. Michelle

    HYou’re definitely not alone in this. I’m in the exact same boat and also find it frustrating and wonder if it’s ‘me’ or just the way things are.
    It’s even harder for me because I’m in Australia and there isn’t really that many of us compared to elsewhere in the world.

  34. Michelle @ Book Briefs

    Thank you SOO much for all of your kind, wonderful and encouraging words! I am blown away and honored for everyone commenting and wanting to be friends.

    I already follow and love a lot of these blogs, but I am making my way around to all of them and checking them out. I’m about half way through the comments and I hope to meet all of you by the end of the week. So expect a tweet! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thanks again, you guys all rock!

  35. Terri Bruce

    LoL, looks like you have plenty of friends now ๐Ÿ™‚ I know how you feel – I follow a lot of book blogs and I love the memes and hops and joint ventures and such, everyone looks like they are having so much fun! – but as an author, not a book blogger, there’s really no way for me to join in the fun. I even started “old book monday” posts on my blog so I could sorta get involved – LOL! The ultimate wannabe! Anyway, just wanted you to know there’s one person out here who’s reading your blog and enjoying it!

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